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Russel Peters: “I always thought that Christmas was in the evening on the 26th because my parents would go out for boxing day specials”…“you think Santa can get around the world so quickly!?”

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My sister is getting married. All conversations with family friends now consist of “you’re next!” or “I know a nice Indian boy…”

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“why must north american hockey players always fight? in SWEDISH hockey, nobody fights!”

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This is me inviting my Caucasian girlfriend over for dinner


Me: Mom, Dad this is my girlfriend [X]
Mom: ohhh wercome wercome
Dad: You hungry X? We have good chicken feet to eat.
Me: FMl……

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Other Indian Friend: Yeah.. Lakers are okay.. I like Celtics, though.. :D
Me: gasps
Indian Friend # 2: Shh… Don’t say that to any other Indian or they’ll jump you…

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Me: OMG! Dad, I got a 99% on my [insert subject here] test!! I’m so happy!
Dad: 99%?! D:< You could’ve done better.. You could’ve gotten 100%!

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